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Obviously, I didn’t make the bed August 25, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — katy @ 10:56 am

Baby_sweaters_001 I tidied just enough to get by.  The mirror, for instance, still has spots.  So no nice house pics.  If you want to see a mess, go visit Margene.  Or you could check this post that shows my mom’s stashaster.

Blocking are the Sirdar Aran sweater for Kevin’s nephew/godson.  I knit it with Sirdar Denim Aran.  While I typically like this yarn…I didn’t love it as much in the this ecru color.  I wonder if it has something to do with dyeing.  I have misplaced the buttons.  Yea, my bedroom is a mess!  And the other sweater is from Debbie Bliss Special Knits.  I used three skeins of Manos in Blush.  This is going to friends of ours (alright–Kevin’s friend from college but I liked him).  Am I not Kevin’s knitting b*tch, or what?

In my usual non-knitting content, tonight was meant to be Gracie’s production at Performing Arts Camp.  Unfortunately, she will not be attending.  One of the counselors (not hers but with whom she had a minor incident before (he threw her book)) called her a "retarded idiot".  While that deserved no response, Gracie replied, "My brother has autism."  And he said to her, "Yeah, right."  I called the director after camp yesterday but I guess she hadn’t checked voicemail.  Gracie and I spoke with her this morning and told her Gracie would not be returning.  As a mother, she said she understood our point of view but as camp director she said Gracie leaving would have an effect on the 21 other kids and the performance itself.  I basically told her he had to go or Gracie was going.  She said she couldn’t fire him at this point. 

Gracie and I went to a local restaurant for a cup of tea and discussed it all.  Her heart was torn but I made the decision to not let her go.  I don’t feel comfortable with this situation and I don’t trust this counselor.  While the great likelihood is that nothing would happen–I can’t chance it.  I told Grace (and me) I would make a lot of decisions in her life that she wouldn’t agree with or be happy about–in her best interest.  Like perming her hair or cutting school with friends.  I told her I preferred the easier decisions like hot dogs or chicken nuggets for dinner or Old Navy or Limited Too.  The girls next door are moving today.  Gracie is over there now helping to pack.  As she won’t be at the performance, she will be there for final hugs.  Although…she has been invited by their aunt to drive down to see them in Virginia on Sunday and go to Busch Gardens.  It’ll be okay.


22 Responses to “Obviously, I didn’t make the bed”

  1. Danielle Says:

    I’m so sorry that you and Gracie had to go through that awful camp experience! How can a kids’ camp hire someone like that?? It sounds like Gracie is a very mature young lady, and I’m sure she’s sad but will understand. It sounds like you all have had a long couple of weeks, so here’s hoping some sunshine comes your way!

  2. sarah b. Says:

    Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way, but way to go to her for responding! Way to go to you for making the tough decision! I remember many of those decisions being made by my mom and I am now able to see the ways it was for the best, but it’s hard at the time.

  3. Anita Says:

    You know, it seems to me that your decision to withhold Gracie’s participation isn’t the thing that is hurting the other 21 kids. That honor goes to the insensitive counselor, an employee/volunteer for this organization, who did such a piss-poor job of representing the adults working with this group. He/she created the situation; you are, rightfully, responding. That person, not you, not Gracie, owes an apology to the group that is now missing her contribution.


  4. Annie Says:

    I hate that among young people the new thing to say is that something (or someone) is “retarded”. When did that somehow become okay? I think it’s totally unacceptable & I cringe anytime I hear someone say it.
    Good for you and Gracie. And what is UP with the director? Her counselor was completely wrong and should be let go immediately. Sheesh.

  5. marti Says:

    I think that you and Gracie made the right choice. Although I am sorry the week ended that way, it is a valuable lesson in not letting people take advantage of the situation. Way to go! And I like the fact that your house isn’t clean either. Mine is a total mess. But children and knitting are more important (as I avert my eyes to the mess that the blueberry muffins made my young children has made)

  6. margene Says:

    And he’s an adult!? It’s wonderful that you took Gracie for tea to discuss the decision. Knowing the reason for your decision and being in on it surely helped her understand. What a sad commentary on the counselors and the director, really.

  7. Nathania Says:

    What a terrible position to be placed in, Katy. And shame on that counselor. That’s grossly inappropriate and cruel. In our house those kinds of insults are worse than curse words.

  8. Chris Says:

    You have got to be kidding me! I say you made the right decision. I agree, Gracie isn’t hurting the team, the “counselor” is. Unbelievable! I would complain, and complain loudly, this guy should not be involved with kids.

  9. Donna Says:

    He throws books and calls kids retarded? And he is involved in “caring” for these children? My opinion would be that it would never be too late to fire him. And I find it hard to believe that if he has done those things to Gracie, that he hasn’t done things to the other kids. And was he disciplined by the Camp Director at all?
    I’m sorry Grace had to miss out on what she worked so hard for, but I totally support your position.

  10. Mary Beth Says:

    How did I miss all these posts! Your squares looked fabulous. Moving is a part of life, but so is staying behind. It will give your kids a memory (remember when so and so moved?)- a point of reference when it happens again in their life. And you are just the best Mom for Gracie. It’s not what happened at the camp, but that she had you to help her process it. Lucky girl.

  11. Kris Says:

    Not only should the counselor be fired but I think the director is also in need of a pink slip. By telling you that Gracie would be hurting the others by leaving and saying its too late to fire the counselor guy, she is not only condoning what he did but she may as well have said the awful things herself. I’m glad you got Gracie out of that unhealthy situation.

    I will now get off of my soapbox!

  12. Kerstin Says:

    Oh Katy! Everything has already been said, so here’s a hug for you. “Like perming her hair …” LOL Wish I had had a Mom like you! (My mom insisted on the perm every three months. And I had beautiful straight hair that was just fine as is. Sigh.)

  13. Kathy Says:

    The sweaters are adorable. Hugs from here too. Gracie is apting named for both of you.

  14. Kate Says:

    Retarded idiot, huh? I hope you told Gracie that “what goes around comes around”. Best piece of advice I ever got- it was from my dad. I,personally, would have been a little bit more insistent with the camp director (did you pay $$ for someone to call your child a retarded idiot?) about firing the lousy counselor. My only fear is that this place hired teenage campers as counselors… like CIT (counselor in training). Give Gracie a big “you go girl” hug from here in Boston- she did the right thing standing up to him and she is the better person. She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and that decisions are something that she thinks about, as well as consequences. Too bad, friends moving and no camp. 😦

  15. Kim Says:

    Children often bounce without breaking. She may be bruised up a bit, but she will recover. You are seeing to that. Hats off to you both.

  16. Susan Says:

    I think that the camp director needs to go, too. If she hired that oaf and doesn’t want to do anything about it, then she’s just as much to blame for his conduct.

    When Whoopi Goldberg spoke at a women’s leadership conference that I went to last year, she asked the audience what we thought the worst thing you could call someone was. Most women who said something out loud came up with words that are generally not appropriate for use in the presence of children. However, Whoopi said the worst thing you can call someone is Stupid. That’s a word that most people don’t think much about as it comes out of their mouths, but think of the damage that is done to a person, especially a child, who is called stupid. I think what the counselor did was the same and that you did the right thing by not tolerating it.

  17. Michele Says:

    I agree with Kathy’s comment…you both have Grace. Love the sweaters and take care, you great mom 🙂

  18. Bobbie Says:

    Gracie has it all right, believe me that girl is gonna change the world. It is time in the society to embrace difference and stop making it something to make fun of. I don’t understand alot of the things the kids are into these days, but purple hair or not, I love their passion for being different. The guy with all the tats and piercing, who most would cross the street because of, is the guy in the second pew in church every sunday. We all need to look inside. Gracie you are my hero, honey. There isn’t anything in your life you can’t do, cause child you have soul.

  19. Shelley Says:

    Wow…I’m in shock still after reading this…But I’m very impressed at Gracie’s ability to stand up and say something and for your incredible mothering skills. Your talk was spot on and very thoughtful. I’m sure Gracie will come to terms with the decision, but more important, she has learned what it is like to stand up for ones convictions. Furthermore, when she grows up, she will appreciate your talk all the more. Way to go Katy!

  20. I think you made the best possible decision. I also think it’s terrible that the counsillor was not fired, immediately. Good for Gracie for standing up for herself and her family..you’ve taught her well.

  21. Carol Says:

    Being an acquaintance of “the swine”, I read your site as well. There are many things we have in common, but I won’t get into that. I just wanted to let you know that I, too, had a similar situation with a “theater group” and one of my daughters. I was furious. I approached the woman, unfortunately, made a scene but felt someone needed to call her to “the carpet”. After the incident, I wrote a lengthy letter to the administration & school officials. It fell on deaf ears. I was not a lunatic mom, but one of excellent standing in the community. I was very disappointed by their response to my situation but my community friends applauded my efforts for standing up to the “woman who thought she was holier than god”. Everyone else feared her wrath, but I went toe-to-toe. Stay strong; you are setting a fine example for your family as well as others. Now, if you could only get over your “butterfingers” at Chez Swine….

    Live, Love & Laugh

  22. Angi Says:

    You’re an amazing mom with an equally amazing daughter!

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