So much for not blogging, huh? Seriously–I am enjoying my break. My knitting has been very productive. No pressure to show something cool on the blog and finishing things that have been on the list for a year or more…nothing big…a hat for Cam, something for Owen’s teacher and the further catalog of ye olde stash. I even got Kevin involved! We have it sorted by fiber content and the bins they are in. Love it!
Now, why am I back…a few reasons. Granny is well. She was in the shop for a few hours on Saturday and will continue to come in as long as her 3 hours of O2 allows her too. There have also been a couple of cool knitterly gift/exchanges. Kate and I did an exchange for my DB Junior Knits book. Look at this cool knitting needle holder she made. I love the fabrics! Thanks Kate. And Charisse, a local Stitch n’ Bitcher gave me some really cool stitch markers she made with some homemade knitting needles–so cute–and a very cute little bag to keep it all in. I was blown away by her generosity!
Nancy, I think nailed it on the head–this time of year is very hard for me. I don’t think it’s seasonal distress. If I could make it through Alaska, couldn’t I make it anywhere? More likely it is Owen distress. His birthday hits me like a ton of bricks and it just passed this Saturday. I hate–I mean vehemently hate–that there seems to be nothing that I can do to change his autism. Whether to cure it or fix it or…even improve it greatly. I truly believed he would be recovered. On Saturday, Cameron said he thought Owen would talk now because he was 6. I tried to tell him we didn’t know and as gently as I could that Owen may never talk to us like other kids. Cameron would hear nothing of it and insists Owen will speak at 7. It is like a series of disappointments for not just me but the whole family.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the hard work Owen does. And I do appreciate the victories–as small as they may sometimes be. I live for the fleeting moments of connectedness to him and between he, Cameron and Grace. When he first got his diagnosis, I remember being told he was the same Owen as the day before–he just had a label now. But as the gap widened between 2 years and now 6–and he still can’t effectively communicate or write his name. My heart just hurts and I wish I could do more.
Did Owen change or just my perception? Or perhaps it is more like Owen hasn’t changed enough. It’s not just that I want him to overcome autism. I think I need him to overcome this. And if this is not to be done–I need to reconcile this with myself. And it isn’t easy. As I guess it isn’t easy for him either. Did I do too little? Did I do too much? Was it never in my control?
I am leaving comments closed. Maybe copying Greta…it’s an autism thing.