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Poor, neglected blog July 10, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — katy @ 10:38 am

It’s like I have nothing to feed it.  Knitting has been infrequent.  The yellow 501 remains unfrogged and uncertain what to do with itself.  I ran out of beads on a pulsewarmer (after I finally got the chart from my mom) and the other pulsewarmer isn’t doing it for me.  Granny says the yarn looks dingy. 

I nearly blogged last night as I couldn’t sleep.  I have been tossing and turning and wrestling internally with an incident with Owen.  We went to Splish Splash on late Saturday afternoon.  Owen had been there once before with Kevin and loved it.  The other two had been there a couple of times  too.  This was my first trip.  The smile on Owen’s face couldn’t have been stretched any bigger.  He loved the double tube and even the big family tube.  He’s a fabulous swimmer so we tried him out on one where you shoot out into a 10 ft. deep pool.  He liked the slide but the drop scared him a bit so it was back to the safety and fun of his beloved double tube.  Kevin took the other two kids on the newest attraction.  After several runs down his beloved ride we went looking for the rest of the family.  Since I could see they were still on line I decided to venture on a new slide with Owen.  It was tubeless–like the other–but the water was shallow at the bottom.  After I got Owen situated on his slide I went to go on the one next to it–only to be cut by an older woman–in her 50’s!  Owen was gone.  The woman got to the bottom and panicked and had to be "rescued".  The lifeguard at the top, one of their foreign employees, would not let me go–they stopped the ride.    Owen was down there–alone.  My stomach still flutters when I think of him down there and me screaming and considering punching the lifeguard.  He didn’t understand autism.  He couldn’t understand that my son couldn’t speak.  It felt like an eternity until they finally let me go.  Owen only wandered like 10 ft. away…but the look on his face as I stood up there and he looked all around for me.  I felt as though I had betrayed his faith in me.  I am supposed to take care of him. 

On the other ride, Kevin and Gracie went first and met Owen after his turn.  I had no business doing this on my own with Owen.  Live and learn.  If that old lady hadn’t cut it wouldn’t have happened.  But still it haunts me.  Park attendents did come but really had little sympathy for the situation.  Park rules state children under 12 must be accompanied by an adult.  They didn’t let me accompany my son.  Ugh.  It is still just so upsetting.


14 Responses to “Poor, neglected blog”

  1. JL Says:

    Why are you so harsh on yourself? The incident was not caused by you!!!! All parents are fallable, no one is perfect. Everyday parents are accidently separated from their children, perhaps a toddler is lost in a shopping mall etc. It is physically impossible to protect Owen 24/7 and any other child for that matter. From your blog, you do a wonderful job with Owen so don’t beat yourself up over incidents that are out of your control. Blaming yourself is a no win situation. Try being kinder to yourself especially with your internal psyche.


  2. Nancy Says:

    I would be a wreck. My stomach dropped just reading this story. I totally understand how you feel. There might have been violence had it been me. I’m glad you’re a better person than that;)

    It isn’t your fault, and it’s true that you can’t watch then 24/7 but it’s hard to internalize that after an experience like this.

  3. Carole Says:

    I’m sorry that happened but it really wasn’t your fault. We’ve all done things that we realized afterwards we shouldn’t have done but please don’t be so hard on yourself. Try and focus on the fact that everything is okay now.

  4. margene Says:

    Carole has some good words. It’s always worse in our heads as we focus on the what ifs.

  5. Chris Says:

    I can feel your panic. I would have been in the same boat. We have a wonderful park near us and I can’t imagine if I lost one of the girls when they were young. But one thing to remember, it’s over, no harm came from it and don’t beat yourself up over it. I have an incident with my youngest I relive at odd moments and I have to learn to bury it. It was ages ago and didn’t turn ugly, so I can’t let it weigh on my mind. It’s hard, I know, but I doubt that Owen even gives it a thought today, so don’t spend all your time on what could have happened, it didn’t, and thank God for that.

  6. Kris Says:

    I understand your fear, your panic and your anger. Try to stop turning that anger inward. You are a tremendous asset to Owen and you didn’t betray him. You simply tried to do something fun with him and it didn’t work out. There is no way you could have forseen the outcome.

    Let it go. Give yourself some grace. This wasn’t your fault…. it’s just life.

  7. Mary Beth Says:

    I can totally relate to that feeling of a decision made in a split second, or even worse, events spin out of your control and you feel like you are moving in slow motion, powerless to change the course of action. Then it’s too late and you have to just go with it – ouch! Still, sounds like everyone came out unscathed (just a little wet and confused) – thank goodness! Yeh, you can’t control everything, but as parents, I think that’s what we spend 24/7 trying to do – right?

  8. Katy Says:

    My heart also dropped while reading this–and then it went out to you! Those few minutes must have seemed like an eternity. Be kind to yourself, though–you did the best you could.

  9. Maryann Says:

    Oh I would have throttled somebody. Good grief. Is there anybody you can call to see that the people at the water park are educated about autism?

  10. Angi Says:

    You know what? I’m sure you’ll come to the place where you’ll feel ok inside again. And thankfully, Owen is fine. But what was done to you just burns my butt. Would it help you to heal and also help prevent this from happening to someone else, if you contacted Splish Splash management and explained what happened? Maybe they don’t know about Autism, or CP, or Down’s or whatever else may come into their park. We all have full plates and only learn about issues when they are presented in our path. There needs to be some kind of training for the (Probably) kids running the slides, that when a mother is as upset as you were about being separated from her child, they *must* get that mother to her child as quickly as possible.

  11. ann Says:

    don’t be too hard on yourself Kathleen! I hope you were able to enjoy the rest of your day in the park – it sounds like you were all having such a good time. Did you go on that new ride? I just heard about it on the local news the other day

  12. Carol Says:

    I am sure many of us have had situations of “missing” for a split second. It is heart wretching. You should be proud that it sounds like Owen handled himself pretty well. Scared, yeah maybe but he didn’t have an episode. You are doing a great job.

  13. Debra Fox Says:

    My heart goes out to you. My 14 y.o. six-foot son was an hour late getting home last week(due to a change in his work schedule he did not tell us about) and my heart was pumping so hard I thought I would cry.
    Take deep breaths and speak kindly to yourself. You though you were making the right decision at the time,and it would have been fine if you were not bumped by the woman.

  14. Orli Says:

    }HUGS{ I think I know what you felt like, but it probably felt even worse…I don’t get why they didn’t just let you go with him.

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